Cheated on, cheated with, cheated by.....
So I was reading this article on MSN and I realized it was really dumb. I mean seriously, who really needs to get a clue on WHY he cheated?!?!?!? Well I think this list can go either way…why SHE cheated using the same reasons. They listed 8 reasons and I really feel the need to pick this list apart.
Reason #1: For payback – I don’t know about you, but if I am dating someone so juvenile that he wants a tick-for-tack payback then that says a lot about my choice of date/mate. I mean really if we are having these “payback” moments we aren’t really right together and cheating *shrug* well it is a sign that I am not the one for him. And if I am still in payback mode, then I am not mature enough to date.
Reason #2: The physical attraction just isn't there – Duh! Did I say Duh? Yeah Duh!!!! I mean come on. Keep yourself together. Take your time getting dressed. The same thing you did to get her you need to do to keep her. I mean really, no chic I know wants to look over and see Al Bundy on the sofa. However, there is this thing called “settle syndrome” (SS) . What is that? Well settle syndrome is where you just settle for someone even though they are not your total package. If you do this, you are bound to stray. Think about it. If he is what everyone else considers the "total package" and he is just not your cup of tea, you are in settle syndrome territory. Swim for shore…quick! 
Reason #3: He just isn't there – Well, we aren’t teens anymore. If you are like me, you have a career and kids, YOU aren’t there that much either. However, a guy that won’t carve any time out for you may not be the one for you. I am a very busy woman, but if I can’t carve out anytime out of the week for you, I am not interested. Seriously. 
I mean it doesn’t have to be a lot of time. It can be lunch or even a quick text message. If you find yourself doing all the calling/texting/planning…you are doing too much. I told you about that last year. Remember? If you don’t, click here. And if after all of that, you find yourself wanting to cheat…tisk tisk…it’s time to move on. Reason #4: She thinks she's missing out – Now I had my older son when I was 19. However, I have had a very full life. I don’t feel like I missed out on anything. If she is at the “I think I am missing out” stage, she is either too young for you or you aren’t the one. She is in SS mode with you. 
Reason #5: She's moved on emotionally – Ouch! Yeah when I check out emotionally…well ya’ll know I am emotionally unavailable anyway, but if I check in emotionally and then check out…. you can call it a wrap. However, something lead me to check out. Maybe the communication wasn’t there. Who knows…but whatever it was, I decided to abandon ship. 
Reason #6: There's too much fighting – Now some folks are addicted to drama. 
I ain’t one of them. If everything is an argument, I have already checked out emotionally and am on my way out the door. 
Home should be the one place you have peace and if it isn’t, then it’s time to make some changes. Reason #7: She needs a shot of self-esteem – Everyone wants to know they still got “It”. What is it? The ability to attract the opposite sex. Not that it is going to turn sexual, but just knowing that the sway of your hips or twinkle in your eyes can get a man….any one but the one you got at home…to look at you with desire. Sometimes the one you have at home starts to take you for granted. He doesn’t let you know he finds you desirable. He stops looking at you like you are the only one in the room. But me, well I say if you need a shot of self esteem….see number 2. Keep yourself up. Work out. Date yourself....if you can't stand your own company, don't expect anyone else to like it either....I know MzNewy sounded mean right there but that is just the truth. 
To me, this list is flawed. Why? Because the bottom line is folks cheat because……..are you ready for this….Because they want to. Period. 
There is no secret formula. No one pinpoint reason. Humans are complex creatures, often misguided and searching for purpose. I would rather leave than cheat. So if I am with you and I start looking around for someone else, I am leaving you FIRST. No double dipping allowed. When you try to keep score, Albert Einstein said it best:
"Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted." 
This has been another Newy perspective...
What's on your mind?
Talk to me....
That bold statement at the bottom there...is truth. These columnists don't
have common sense half the time.
enjoyed the note..don't necessarily agree with all the points or comments,
but dat's life..it is wat if is...
i think most women are faithful..and if a woman darts out in traffic it's
because the man has put her out there due to one reason or anotha...but i
agree to be emotionally attached..u can call the coroner for dat..dat horse
is DEAD.."
Yeah but my thing is I read the article and I didn't agree with it either.
and that is just my take from my viewpoint if it were ME in the cheat mode.
i know...just depends on ur experiences and ur maturity...as well as ur
morals and values
Morals and values should keep you from cheating...and in the words of Halle
Berry ala Boomerang "Love should brought yo Azz home last night."
Well what Mo? Cat gotcha tongue? spit it out? I know I take a blog
vacation come back spitting venom LOL
Touche' like I said if you have 'em you won't be creeping. LOL
ok then you fit in one of those categories up there...prolly not for the
same reasons but the bottom line is you creep cause you want to. And I am
saying "you" in general but ummm yeah you know....LOL
Wellur rite, it is YOUR viewpoint! And many woman and SOME men r
faithful as well.(no I don't have one BUT)everyone uses those excuse at
some point to justify the "mess" they have gotten themselves into but then
there are those who have been LIED to and by the time we find out we r too
far involved that the decision to leave is a stuggle. But when u find
someone else u r labeled a cheaterwhat gives?
Ahhhh but see that is where I see a flaw ms. Mo. I have never given myself
over to someone so completely that leaving was a struggle. *sigh* so I
guess that is where the rubber really meets the road. My trust meter must
need calibrating because I have yet to meet someone that I would give my
heart to in such a way that it may get broken. I made that mistake at 15
and said never again. Heart was broken so bad I was crushed. My inability
to display vulnerability has cost me in the past. This new situation is
leading me to display some vulnerable characteristcs I didn't know I had.
But I still stand by the fact that anyone who cheats does so because they
want to. They use one of the reasons to justify it...but to me...if you are
ok with "doing you" and feel the need to cheat, why look for validation.
*shrug*
how about several...LOL...hey i am not ashamed to admit that I've
experienced a lot..and my old man taught me very well..and for years I've
learned to think and behave like a man...but the time comes when all of
that gets old and tiring..like on HOW TO BE A PLAYER...ADAPT AND REFORM!!!
LOL
I hear you Red....but again...just look at folks and say "Imma do me...you
do you cause Imma do me." and need no reason to do it. I remember being a
kid and questioning my mom about something and her response was "Because I
said so." That should be your response if you chose to cheat. No
validation...no justification...just simple...."Because I want to."
Period. All those elaborate validation reasons are for folks who need
someone to approve of or back up his/her actions. I don't seek anyone's
approval for my choices because they are just that...MY CHOICES.
Wow, I know I haven't responded on our Website in a while nor have I
written anything. My hat is really leaning to side right now with this
subject. This really makes me think about the Carla Hughes trial here in
Mississippi. Let us understand this...Some people CHEAT no matter what. Men
and women! Understand this..when you are in a committed relationship there
is suppose to be communication. If someone has slacked off in making the
other person feel important or loved..then that person(s) need to sit down
and communicate this to the other person. Cheating is not the answer. We
have all done things in our life that we are not proud of. We have all
walked the narrow road that leads to CHEATING. No one is perfect. Keep this
in mind...Avis Banks lost her life along with her unborn child because the
person she THOUGHT was faithful and loved her decided he needed something
extra on the side. She may have never known about sidepiece #2 or she may
have known..we will never know. Also, you don't know what you are getting
when you are out there. It may be all fun and games now...but when the
person decides to break things off...who's the one that ends up being the
target..YES!! the one that didn't cheat! You open the door to all kinds of
drama, demons and just plain crazy folks when you do this. Walk away..it's
not worth it! If this person is not what you want..TELL them..don't be a
coward and think that you will just hold on to them and get you a side
piece just in case this one doesn't act right sometimes. GET OUT OF THE
RELATIONSHIP and PRAY hard to GOD to send you the person that HE has for
you! Don't blame it on the BOOM.
Shannon....Exactly. My thing is if you are going to cheat man/woman up
about it and stop trying to justify your scandolous ways.
AGREE WIT U 100%..Y??? BECAUSE I WANT TOO!!! LOL...but u know I couldn't
give a **** rite?? u know me...no offense..just being me..
wat da hell u write this for?? we'll go back n forth all day!!
I hear you girlie. At the root of every reason is MOTIVATION. You can have
every reason in the world to say, get up and clean your house, but you're
not going to act on it unless and until you WANT TO, despite the 100
reasons why you should. I'm speaking of grown people who make their own
decisions here, nobody MAKES us do ANYTHING. We do what ... Read Morewe
want to do at the end of the day.
No doubt,once u've been hurt, its hard to trust. Maybe not u, but someone
has tried not to be open to da rite one,and again gets hurt,again,and
again! Foolish,yes! But not one to give up on da posibility of having "THE
ONE", y is that wrong? But I'm with "Red", where in the ”#*;+" did this
convo come from? This aint a blog convo!!
LOL @ Mo and Red....cause I am back writing again and yall wenches are
intrigued. LOL that is where the convo came from. If ya'll weren't my ride
or dies from back in the day you know I would have to mush you both in the
face right LOL Bottom line is folks wanna do what they wanna do and when
society looks at them sideways, then they want to justify it. Always
looking for a patsy and a scapegoat. If you are comfortable enough to do
it, then be comfortable enough to say "I don't need a reason..." LOL
@ angie right....check your motives and thoughts....but at the end of the
day...nobody needs to justify NADA...LOL
@ shannon/Mo and Red....Didn't Carla go to the 'Vine? Red isn't that who
you called me about last spring?
@ Newy..I agree with not justifying it..be like Nike n jus do it!....now as
for dat mush n da face stuff...u know wat it iz, LOL...When u come around,
i be quiet...wen u leave...I BE TALKIN AGAIN, ROFL!!!
LOL I know right....we haven't changed in *gasp* 27 years....I can't
believe we have known each other that long....*mushes a moon pie in Red's
face* But you still get mushed for talking junk LOL
don't quite remember our conversation...senior moment, LOL...Don't remember
this Carla @ the Vine.
@ Shannon..very well put..Cheating and playing with people's hearts
nowadays will get u killed..just look @ Steve McNair...
as for communicating with ur mate..that doesn't always work..sometimes we
get too comfortable and we don't think our mate will leave..until it's too
late to change it.
Well, just a small interjection, cheating ain't cheating unless you are
married! And there are only two documented reasons why people cheat: simply
because they WANT to and/or because they CAN.
@ RRGW...yep agree totally cause if you aren't married, you are still
"shopping". Just because I try on a dress, walk around the store with it,
even take it to the register...hey *shrug* it's not mine til I buy it.
@ RRGW..i was gonna say that about the married part..i agree...
the list of reasons is a list of excuses - people make conscious decisions
to cheat & for the victims of the cheaters there is no rhyme or reason.
it's pointless to figure out the "why" unless you intend to accept the deed
& continue on with the relationship, otherwise keep it moving - cheaters,
male or female, don't change.
And you hit it right on the head BW. There isn't a reason...only
validation....the why isn't even relevant nor valid. LOL
a final thought... All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault
you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will
not change you. The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when
you are looking for external reasons to explain your unhappiness or
frustration. You may succeed in making another feel guilty about something
by blaming him, but you won't succeed in changing whatever it is about you
that is making you unhappy.